everything old is new again

the incoherent ramblings of a struggling artist, costume designer, spinner, knitter, beader, regular single gal in the twin cities of minneapolis st. paul.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

VD with Jake and Heath

took myself to see brokeback mountain last night. heartbreaking movie.

went to dinner by myself. mmmm....nachos.

went home and listened to a radio station playing the 'most romantic songs' and knit, and cried.

good times.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

valentines day? really?

Yeah. It's v-day.

Exciting v-days in the past have included-

*quitting my job

*watching my ex boyfriend curling with another woman (!) his new girlfriend (!!!) at the college curling championships

*winning our bracket, the year before, at the college curling championships in Wakeshau, WI.

*getting flowers from my mom and dad

It's also my grandma's 87 birthday today! She was delivered by a doctor named Dr. Valentine. IRONICAL!

My 'date' tonight, ex roommate, is sick with a cold and has cancelled on me.
So it's me, a bottle of wine, and maybe a movie rental tonight. Whoo hoo!
And a visit to the rapidly growing Flatley.

I'm listening to non-love songs on my boss's IPOD. It's awesome. Angry Bjork anyone?

I'm Not in Love
( 10 CC )

I'm not in love, so don't forget it.
It's just a silly phase I'm going through.
And just because I call you up,Don't get me wrong,
don't think you've got it made.I
m not in love, no no, it's because...
I like to see you, but then again,
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me.
So if I call you, don't make a fuss -
Don't tell your friends about the two of us.
I'm not in love, no no, it's because...
I keep your picture upon the wall.
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there.
So don't you ask me to give it back.
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me.
I'm not in love, no no, it's because...
Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me.
Ooh, you'll wait a long time.
I'm not in love, I'm not in love...

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

On creation

I had the great honor of attending Flatley's birth this past week. I sat with her big sis while she was being 'removed' from her mom. I got to meet her when she was only about 45 minutes old. To say it brought me to tears was a great understatement. Just knowing what possibility exists within that tiny package, and what unknowable adventures she's going to have, was heartbreaking and exciting and wonder-ful.

Flatley is the most recent in a long and happy string of little 'nieces and nephews' I've gotten to meet. Pretty soon my younger brother and his wife will welcome their son, the first grandchild in the family.

At 30, I'm at the age where most of my peers have had or are trying to have kids, and the whole concept of parenthood has been really on my mind lately. It's not something I'm willing or able to do on my own, living situation aside I just don't have the time, responsibility, or resources to raise a kid with any level of financial security. But I don't have that many more years left if I want to go the biological route.

Most of my free energy now goes towards the creation of art or expression through theater, and on the days when I don't get the chance to create it makes me a little crazy. Would a kid drain all my energy? Would they become my new creation? What if they don't like the sweaters I knit them? Will I even have TIME to knit?

Like a lot of other things in my life, it's a contradiction I just don't understand. I love kids, but I don't know if I really want any of my own. I am a Christian but I can't believe in a 7-day creation or that gay people are 'bad' or 'wrong' or 'defective', among other things. I devour interior design magazines and websites yet my room and studio are a complete mess. I know that I should be a vegetarian again, but I just keep eating turkey (mmmmm TURKEY!!!!!) knowing full well they have short, terrible lives. They're just so dang tasty!

I gave Deanna, Flatley's mom, a magnet with this quote-
"Show me a day when the world wasn't new"
Sister Barbara Hance (1928-1993)

And I guess it's true, new possibilities and new art and new worlds are created every day in every corner of the globe, including in my own body. I am unique just like everyone else. And the passions, demons, and desires that drive me, drive someone else I've probably never met towards me.

I just hope he shows up before I have to hit the 'snooze' button on my biological clock.